Holly Franklin got an email from a 30 year old women who had never had an orgasm and so she wrote back to her explaining how she would approach the situation herself. In their email exchange she also said that she had several friends that she thought might benefit from the reply she gave her. It led Holly to think that there might be many other women in the same situation so decided to post her reply and she also provided authorization to www.pinkypleasure.com to post the same on our blog.
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Please remember that you are not alone and that there are many in the exact same position as you. It is OK and with a little help and some self confidence you will can overcome this issue. To a great extent the inability to have an orgasm is in the mind. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong except from putting too much pressure on yourself. If you are always approaching sexual experiences and believing that you have to orgasm for it to be successful then you are putting too much emphasis on that rather it just being fun first and foremost.
The net result is that you are in the wrong mindset. You are thinking about “What am I doing wrong?” or “Is this what I’m supposed to be feeling?” This is all stopping you from really achieving what you want and that is to ultimately reach orgasm.
To achieve and enjoy and orgasm you have to be able to let your body relax. To attain your first orgasm you need to be in the right frame of mind. I would suggest that you should wait until you have had a really good day and you are in a fantastic mood. Then you have to say “I am going to treat myself plus I am going to give myself an orgasm”. I would suggest the following conditions to help you obtain that first orgasm:-
- Plenty of time (give yourself at least an hour)
- Make sure that you have privacy (if you have kids leave them with a neighbour or something).
- Prepare a relaxed environment (use candles even mood music or have a glass of wine).
Yes, you should approach self pleasure as a treat to yourself. You have had a good day and now you are going to give yourself some serious pleasure. You are going to get this pleasure from your own body.
The next step is too now approach self-pleasure in the right frame of mind. You have to be comfortable in your own skin. I suggest you look at yourself in a mirror naked (yes naked!) you might feel a little uncomfortable at first but remember you have had a good day and you are in a good mood.
Look yourself in the eye and say really meaning it “I am a beautiful person with a beautiful body. I deserve pleasure and I am going to give myself pleasure.” Repeat it several times until you feel empowered and then you can go onto the actual beginning of self-pleasure.
I would though suggest that you focus on the clitoris to achieve your first orgasm and would recommend that you read Holly’s articles on http://www.self-pleasureforwomen.com about the clitoris which goes into several techniques that deal with clitoral stimulation.
The reason I suggest the clitoris first is that it is the most sensitive part of the female genitalia and it is now believed that it is much larger that many previously thought and that it is connected to all parts of the female genitalia.
It maybe too sensitive for you too directly touch your clitoris but there are several techniques that deal with that issue in the article I suggested.
Overall I would have to say that be in a good mood and, be relaxed, make sure you have plenty of time and importantly that you are no going to be disturbed.
Every women has a beautiful body and we should all be able to gain pleasure from it be it by ourselves or with a partner.
Well now go out there and empower yourself and treat yourself to a good orgasm. I hope these words have helped you and if you have anymore questions then please contact Holly anytime.
If you still have trouble then I would have to suggest that you visit a doctor for further advice as you may need actual one on one face to face advice to deal with the problem.”